How do I not care?

I find my ego yanking at the leash, and I am not sure how to quiet it. I feel the need to control things at work, and am seriously stressed about the lack of control. The decisions (and indecisions) of others, have a direct impact on the amount of work that I need to do, and on my ability to do my job well. I require approval from others for resources and for information, guidance about where the company is going.

As the IT guy, at the end of the day it comes down to me to keep the systems online. The systems I am responsible for generate, literally, millions of dollars in revenue a month. Downtime is a BIG DEAL. The systems hold data that is being used in litigation and large scale investigations that involve staggering amounts of risk.

I see those above me making bad decisions that are making my life hard, and are putting the company at risk. I do not believe that I have the necessary clout to put my points out there to be considered. It is frustrating and stressful.

I want to let go. I want to not care. Yet I cannot. I am being paid because I care. I have my job because I know what needs to be done. I wish that I could just watch it crash and burn, but I am not that kind of person.

Yet I do not know how to move forward. I feel as if my communication style comes off as abrassive. It is weak to be the person who whines all the time, the person who points out the problems. I want to point out the problem, and the solution.. but I do not believe I am empowered to do that.

I, I, I... me me me... EGO, EGO, EGO.

I am too attached to the paycheck. Too attached to the future. Too vested in the outcomes. Bah... maybe I should just open a temple and teach tai chi. At least at the end of those days I would know that I made a positive contribution.